Twisted Shots, Anyone?
by Civil Enough
Summary: Nope, you’re not dating him Sasuke. It’s just that you like staring, kissing , having wild sex, and being crazily possessive about him to a stalker-like extent while refusing to admit what you really feel for him all the while.


**A/n: This idea is actually a story in the making- but I've decided to give you a taste with these drabbles. Pretty short all in all. ^_^ If you want more, just wait for that detailed, serious (if humor can ever be serious) story version.**

_**Summary:**_

_Nope, you're not dating him Sasuke. It's just that you like staring, kissing , having wild sex, and being crazily possessive about him to a stalker-like extent while refusing to admit what you really feel for him all the while. Really, that's all there is to it. No sir, you're not dating him at all._

***

"**Twisted Shots, Anyone?"**

***

**001: And Naruto Says…**

*****

"Then… you like him after all?"

"Nah. That can't be it Kiba… It was just one night stand, right?"

"Seriously Naruto, you're beyond idiotic to what idiocy has to offer."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean!?"

"Nothing, nothing… So, you wait for him everyday?"

"Not exactly wait, we just happen to meet accidentally very often."

"Always at the same store?"

"U-huh."

"At the same time?"

"Yup."

"And all you had to buy was a stick of instant coffee while he just buys a piece of tomato?"

"Right."

"And the store is practically a bus ride away from both of your apartments?"

"Yeah. What are you getting at?"

"Oh, like I say; it's nothing."

"I mean, it's just a one time thing."

"Uh-hum."

"And it would just be impolite not to invite him over after he treats me to ramen right?"

"Of course. Now why didn't I think of that?"

"And it would just be natural for him to ask and see my room right?"

"Completely natural, yes."

"And it would be weird if we didn't do something, huh? For goodness sake, it was a bedroom!"

"Yeah. Pretty reasonable."

"And cuddling is okay, isn't it? After sex. Cuddling is always best after sex, right?"

"True, true…"

"And it would only be a conditioned response, being happy when he gives me gifts; right?"

"Yes, I understand. You make perfect sense."

"So… that means I _really_ don't like him right?"

"…"

"…?"

"Please, let's stop this Naru. My heads aching."

"Sure. I'm just glad you see it my way now."

"…I know you're dense… but man, I never knew you were this dense."

"Shut up."

***

**002: Pick Me Up**

*****

"Dobe, I'm not saying this to impress you but… I'm Batman."

"…who?"

"Fuck, I said Batman, _Batman_!"

"And…why would I be impressed?"

"…"

"Why Batman?"

"Hn."

"So he's a bat then?"

"Don't take it literally, stupid!'

"What!? Don't call me stupid teme! You're the one who talked to me!"

"Because you're a dobe! A fucking goddamn baka and usuratonkachi!"

"Well you're a total retarded bastard!"

"Moron!"

"Prick!"

"DIM-WITTED SHIT!"

"SOCIALLY CONSTIPATED FREAK!"

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT UP FIRST!"

"IT WAS A FUCKING PICK-UP LINE YOU IDIOT!"

"…"

"…"

"…uh."

"A civilians pick-up line, moron."

"…oh."

"What are you smirking about, dobe?"

"Ever heard about ninja pick-up lines, teme?"

"…uh…*gulp*… No?"

*leans closer*

"I'm not saying this to impress you, but I'm Uchiha Sasuke."

*Sasuke smirks*

"Oh? But you don't _look_ like him."

"Well, I'm on a mission. And my charms are just that good."

"Fuck pick up lines. You're fucking hot, and I'm tying you down to my bed tonight whether you like it or not."

"You should've said so sooner, you dick."

"Shut up and follow me, asshole."

"…Is it just my imagination or did those insults just decide what position were on tonight?"

"Hn. You're turning smart for once, baka."

***

**003: And Sasuke Says…**

*****

"So… you guys seeing each other?"

"How should I know?"

"Then what else is it Sasuke?"

"It's a fling, Neji. A fling."

"Just a fling?"

"Just a fling."

"And I should believe you because?"

"Because it's true."

"Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just wondering why you hold on to that cell too much."

"What; this?"

"Yeah. Does it cost much?"

"Nah. It would be too bothersome to search my car when it rings."

"Oh. So he calls you often then?"

"Yeah. Almost everyday."

"And you look pissed right now because?"

"Because he's a fucking dobe for not calling this whole time."

"And it's a fling?"

"…"

"So?"

"Yeah. A fling. What more is there to ask?"

"Actually, there's plenty Sasuke."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Well… for example; do you like kissing him?"

"Well, of course."

"Why?"

"He's tastes… nice? I don't know. I just like kissing him."

"Do you stare at him often?"

"Weren't you the one who complained about me doing that on him too much at work?"

"Right. Point taken."

"So? What elese?"

"Like fucking- sorry, let me rephrase that- sleeping with him?"

"Hell _yeah_."

"And, not to be prying… but why?"

"Duh. He's hot like hell. And he's fucking tight too."

"Okay. I shouldn't have asked that. Do you have trouble keeping your hands off him?"

"Lot's of trouble- plenty, yes."

"Hmm… what else- ah! Do you feel funny when you're around him?"

"Bad kind of funny… or good kind of funny?"

"Depends on you, Sasuke. It may be both."

"Oh, okay; then I have to say both. And sure, I like feeling them… somehow."

"And it wouldn't be a trouble sharing him with me and Gaara then? A threesome can always spice things up a bit…"

"Fucking shitty hell no."

"Okay, let's leave Gaara out of this- how 'bout just me and him? Change in partner wouldn't hurt."

"Say that again and I'll crack your skull and throw you out of this car then run you over three times."

"And what if I try kissing him?"

"Don't you fucking dare-"

"And if I still insist upon that…?"

"I'LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT."

"Hm. Interesting."

"…What the hell's so funny?"

"Hm?"

"You're grinning like an idiot."

"Oh, it's nothing; really. Well, there you go- there's your answer- you guys are dating each other."

"What? That isn't possible. Guys just don't date each other."

"Says who?"

"…"

"Who?"

"He did."

"Oh."

"Stop fucking laughing, what is it!?"

"Of course you're not - Nope, you're not dating him Sasuke. It's just that you like staring, kissing, having wild sex and being crazily possessive about him to a stalker-like extent while refusing to admit what you really feel for him all the while. Really, that's all there is to it. No sir, you're not dating him at all."

"… Well… at least you get my point."

"…"

"…"

"…Are you really that Uchiha Sasuke that topped the bar exams?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

***

**004: Just For The Sake Of An Epilogue**

*****

"So… they said we were going out."

"Really? What did you say?"

"What did you think I said?"

"Why are you asking me, teme?"

"Well, I said we weren't. We aren't."

"…"

"…"

"T-teme…"

"W-wait- What the hell!? What's wrong? Why are you crying!? What is it Naru!? Who is it? I'll beat him up! Who!?"

"Y…you said… *sniff*… we… WE WEREN'T GOING OOOUUUUT!!! UWAAAH!!!"

"Wait, no; NO! I-I mean, I said we were going out! Really, I said we were totally going out so much we never go in EVER, I swear!"

"…really?"

"Really."

"Oh. Kiba asked if I liked you."

"…really?"

"Yup."

"What did you say?"

"What do you expect me to say? I said no, of course. You said so y- UMPH! WHAT THE FUCK TEME!?"

"Don't struggle, dobe. It'll make everything much easier for you."

"What are you doing tem- Ouch! Hey, don't tie it so hard- Ow! What's wrong with you!?"

"Do you like me?"

"…I… don't know."

"HN."

"OUCH! WHY DID YOU BITE ME THE- oh… ah... oh~…"

"Do you like me?"

"I- ah- sa-said…ahhh… I… hah… don't-AaahHhh- know teme! OUCH!"

"Do… hah…do you… like me?"

"… are you upset, Sasu?"

"I SAID do you like me?"

"You _are_ upset! Haha- FUCK, OW!"

"Do you like me, dobe? Do you?"

"What's with you-AaaAAAhhHHHhh~! I DO, I DO! OH FUCK, I DO; SASUKE! I LIKE YOU!"

"Hn. Fine. But not good enough."

"Wha- UWAAaaAAhhHHh~! OH GODS, SASUKE!"

"Not good enough Naru."

"What else do you- AAAHH- C-CUMMING, SASU~!"

"Not good enough I say."

"NO! NO, PLEASE, LET ME CUM SASUKEeeEE~!"

"Not. Good. Enough."

"OHHH GOD, SASUUUKEEE~! FUCK, I-I-I LOVE YOU! I FUCKING LOVE YOU, DAMNIT! OH, FUCK; LET ME CUM!"

"Better."

"AAHHHHhhhHHH~!"

*afterwards*

~_**chu**_~

"Love you too dobe."

"…fucking teme." ---(exhausted to the limit)

***

~ Owari

***

**A/n: Yeah, yeah… I know; I'm bored with life. Very, **_**very**_** bored.**

**SO GIVE ME COMMENTS AND I CAN SPEND MY TIME **_**NOT**_** BEING BORED BY ANSWERING THEM!**

**(Damn I'm smart.) **

**And , no; the pick up line idea wasn't mine; it's in a draco/harry fic thingy. Tell me if you want to check it out- it's funny. ^_^**


End file.
